Junky Funky
As we walk on the roads we see a lot of people with different styles. Some people dress like hippies and so on etc … have you ever thought who they are really like? Some people just judge people by there looks. How can anyone know who they are really isn’t it.
Something really funny happened when I was in the office today. I normally don’t work in the morning, I work at night. So what happened was after finishing my work. I went to see my other colleague who always comes in the morning. So in between the head of our department saw me. I was dressed all junky that’s how I am always. So he comes up to me and says hello I replied the same. Then he stopped and looked at me for a second. Started to ask me weird questions. Did you have a bad day? Did you miss the ferry? Did you sleep well last night? Are you in a hurry? And I was giving answers as he was questioning. So at the last question I stopped him and told him I’m going home. Then he said “oh ok your off the hook”. I wasn’t surprised I know how I dressed.
Anyway that’s not the point. The thing is don’t judge people by there looks. Most of the people around the world do. But we really don’t know what they are like and what they are capable of. Fuck I think I am going all nuts.
Emotion Sickness
Y do we become sad? Y do we play with our emotions all the time? Y do we try things that we cannot get when we already know that we will get hurt? Something I never will understand. All that people ever cared was about money and hot girls. As I was in the beach alone watching the waves break, I thought about all those sorts of things. Sound of waves break plays with my emotions. Makes me sad and also at the same time it brings some feelings that can’t be described. It is weird. You should try it sometime.
Every human being in this planet is so different from each other. These things really amaze me. How things work in this world. How the sky is so up high without anything to support it. Incredible how god created all this. As we all know there is something called gravity but how birds fly so freely in air.
Y do we play with our darkest fear? We never know. Do we really enjoy playing with our emotions? Some people are happy, others die trying to be happy. Laughter is the best medicine so I heard but never helped me. If I laugh too much I get pissed off. Maybe I am really addicted to sorrow. I regret what I have done in my life. As for the result of that today I punish my self. Lives in pain and hurting my self each and everyday.
Even though I try to sleep I can’t seem to sleep. I wait till my eyes open wide and see the real truth of life. Certain things un explainable had happened. As I fade in to night feeling alone. Till I drown in my own tears. How horrible this life of ours is. I can’t seem to ignore it all. Wondering how people actually survive in this cruel world.
As I sink in to these deep thoughts, I found out something what we call hope. Hope is something that drives us crazy. Now the question is should we really hope that better things are going to happen in our life? Isn’t that the word that actually drives us crazy? Y are we depending on hope when we already know that there is nothing going to happen by trusting hope. Some might say that’s the only thing that gets them going. I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that there is anything called hope. If there was something like that wouldn’t the world be a better place now? Y did all this intelligent people bring a word call hope. I think it’s the most stupid word ever.
Now I’m gonna go and rest my eyes and my soul “HOPING” that my nightmares will curse me till I die.
Outsider
As I lay down to rest my eyes. I think of what I have done and been doing for the past years. It’s been a long time since I haven’t looked in to my past. Everyone must have had some difficulties when growing up. So did I. I did have pretty hard time in my life when I was growing up. And still I can’t seem to forget it. It haunts me most of the sleepless nights.
Why do we really live? What are we doing here? What are we living for? I have no answer for these questions. And one of the most important one is who am I? I sure have a name. And a family. I tried exploring my life in different ways. But still ended up in the same puddle of mud. All I have found out about my self is I have problem in socializing.
Ok let me give you an example. We all go to coffee’s I guess. So when we are in the coffee do you feel that you’re not actually a part of them? You don’t get mixed up with them. They laugh and you end up showing a fake smile as you were actually listening to them. And when you get back home you will be thinking like what the fuck just happened? If you’re a smoker then you can smoke all the cigarettes you want and drink coffee with them. But you won’t actually belong there. I think you know what I mean. And if you don’t, don’t mind reading anymore at all. It will be waste of your time.
Some people I have seen are very open to others. They can talk about anything in there life in the first meeting it self. I have problems with that. I cant just open up to someone I see today. Most of the girls I have dated had same problem with me. They say I don’t open up easily. But what can I do. I do really try but still it takes time for me to open up. May be I’m too afraid that she might tell someone else. It takes a lot of time to earn trust for someone who has lost it a long time ago I guess. I don’t trust people that easily. But I never show that to them. But in time I do trust people. All that I need is time. Anyway I think something’s are better left ignored. Guess I like the fact that people ignore me so I won’t have much of the problems and things to think about them.
Why Label what we are not
I don’t know how to start what I’m going write. Ok let’s start from something that everyone likes. Music it’s something everyone loves. Music totally changes people. There style of living is changed due to music. GOTH one of the most favorite now a days in Maldives. People all dressing in black having mascara using black lipstick. I don’t get it. Is that what people call Goth? I don’t think so. It’s how they think. How they are born from the start it self, we know who they are. Most of the people will say ok they have mental problems. They are different doesn’t mean that they have mental problems. Well anyway I saw these 4 kids who act like Goths. They dress in black have mascara. Wears pentagram. And the entire skull related things. Piercing from here and there. No offence I do love piercing too. It is nice. But don’t over act. These people think they are really cool. Ok here is what I think. Goth is actually like more of anti-Christ thing. Are we Christians? No. do we defy god? No. yea there are some who does defy god I know. But still its mostly based on anti-Christ thing. How can we be Goths?
Let’s move on to another one a very popular music and one of my favorite. Grunge otherwise known as punk rock or alternative rock. One of my colleagues. He is from Tunisia was asking me what’s my favorite music. I said grunge. So he was asking to name some bands. I named Nirvana, Alice in chains, silverchair and Sound garden etc. These are some of my favorites. Other than that my favorites would be like Marilyn Manson. He just looked at and said “so you’re always in to some dark thing right? You’re always moody and you don’t like people too much and stuff like that etc …” well that is basically true. But I dress normally. Just t-shirt and jeans. Mostly I wear black t-shirts and blue jeans. Is there anything wrong in that? So what if I’m not like others I know I don’t fit with most of the people. I do try but never succeeded. I do have friends but no one is so close to me. Because I don’t let them be close to me. I’m not so open like other guys. Does that make me that much different from others. I think I’m just normal.
Do we have to label ourselves? That we are Goths? I don’t think so. Then why do people label themselves? To act cool?
Ok let me tell you guys and girls of another type. These are people who live in the shadows of Goth. They are one step down. These people label themselves ad EMO. This is a group that most Maldivian’s doesn’t know about. It’s a hardcore punk music. These people are pretty strange from my point of view. EMO girls look really cute. They wear clothes that have stripes. Fishnet is a trend they have for girls. I really adore those. But when it comes to guys it’s a totally different picture. They wear those tight jeans and tight shirts. Mostly have glitter near there eyes. So they will look pretty. Most of the EMO guys that I have seen are mostly gay. They hate Goth people a lot. Gets in to fights a lot with Goths. It’s how they are. When I spoke about EMO there seem to be no one who understood it. Most of the people never even heard of it. I can name one band that plays EMO music Head Automatica. Well anyway I don’t know what im writing anymore so I will just end it. I'm too sleepy.
