Outsider
As I lay down to rest my eyes. I think of what I have done and been doing for the past years. It’s been a long time since I haven’t looked in to my past. Everyone must have had some difficulties when growing up. So did I. I did have pretty hard time in my life when I was growing up. And still I can’t seem to forget it. It haunts me most of the sleepless nights.
Why do we really live? What are we doing here? What are we living for? I have no answer for these questions. And one of the most important one is who am I? I sure have a name. And a family. I tried exploring my life in different ways. But still ended up in the same puddle of mud. All I have found out about my self is I have problem in socializing.
Ok let me give you an example. We all go to coffee’s I guess. So when we are in the coffee do you feel that you’re not actually a part of them? You don’t get mixed up with them. They laugh and you end up showing a fake smile as you were actually listening to them. And when you get back home you will be thinking like what the fuck just happened? If you’re a smoker then you can smoke all the cigarettes you want and drink coffee with them. But you won’t actually belong there. I think you know what I mean. And if you don’t, don’t mind reading anymore at all. It will be waste of your time.
Some people I have seen are very open to others. They can talk about anything in there life in the first meeting it self. I have problems with that. I cant just open up to someone I see today. Most of the girls I have dated had same problem with me. They say I don’t open up easily. But what can I do. I do really try but still it takes time for me to open up. May be I’m too afraid that she might tell someone else. It takes a lot of time to earn trust for someone who has lost it a long time ago I guess. I don’t trust people that easily. But I never show that to them. But in time I do trust people. All that I need is time. Anyway I think something’s are better left ignored. Guess I like the fact that people ignore me so I won’t have much of the problems and things to think about them.
2 Comments:
so the meaning is you don't tell the truth to anyone? wow thats something i should never foget
Lifes one complicated web, as Zoe said enjoy life make the most of it, u never know whats going to happen next.
Soemtimes i think one never truly realizes the value of life unless ones facing death or some other calamity.
As for trust, you can never trust anyone except yourself, cause people are bound to dissapoint u time and again.
Oh and theres nothing wrong in feeling like an outsider, I think a lot of people do feel that and in that sense a lot of us do have things in common and hence arnt alone at all..
I think its time i shut up now :D
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